Blog Spot Beautiful Agony

O Mary Do not You weep

Well if I could I surely would
Stand on the rock where Moses stood

Here I am, home alone in a place that is as good a home as my own, although it is not literally my own. After more than one month of being here, it has become a home, just like this country as a whole. This place has permeated me and it is amazing to feel it from that position, it totally shifts the perspective and the understanding of things, people, phenomena, places… During this journey, I have really gone through the entire distance and closeness of extremes, from the fear of unknown to the freedom of the spirit. Sometimes it is unbelievable what we put ourselves through in order to FEEL something, to feel alive. Why do people live and still do not feel alive?


Pharaoh's army got drownded
O Mary don't you weep

What happens is that you move from routine and order into chaos, try to stabilize and manage to enter another routine and find another order, but then inevitably chaos comes again and takes over your life and you find yourself in need to look for order again and again and again. Sometimes you look for chaos because there has been too much order, other times you look for order because there has been so much chaos… Still, it is all life! I believe that when signs appear, showing that your life has been stuck somewhere, any human being will be ready to do whatever it takes to evade that place. Some of us have a hard time deciding that they need to challenge themselves, for some it is hard to accept and acknowledge that they are in a closed space and need to open up. But this is life and life can take you to different places, just as you take yourself through different experiences, because that is the only way to find yourself. And the beauty of it lies in the diversity we can all live and create!


Well Mary wore three links and chains
On every link was Jesus' name
Pharaoh's army got drownded
O Mary don't you weep

Sometimes you have to break the chains in order to re-gain your life…

When I look back at my life one year ago, I can’t believe what actually happened since then. It seems somewhat unreal, but it was all so liberating! Even working in a place I hated and doing a job I did not like and could not identify with, even living in what seems to me as one of the ugliest cities of Romania was a relief. Ironically enough, it was all a relief from the way my life had been up to that point. It is interesting to observe how things that you sometimes catalogue as difficult can be so easy if you are in a different situation – and the other way around. It so much depends on the perspective you take, on the way in which you relate to things! I had thought that working 12 hours a day, doing three or four different jobs and having no time for yourself was the most difficult part of my life, but then I realized it was at least as difficult to have only one job and a lot of free time to spend for yourself. That different feeling came from within myself, because the only person in the world who can change things is oneself and we are responsible first and foremost towards ourselves.
But sometimes it takes a lot of time to understand that and to really feel it and put it into practice. For example, I often think about the Scouts - how we often tend to disregard ourselves in the scouts, because we are so eager to help the world and do things for others. It takes years and years to realize that you can’t help others if you are a wreck or if you are not able to help yourself in the first place. Just like in dancing: how can you lead your pair if you have not taken your position or are not clear about where you want to go?
On the other hand, it is also true and real that we often need a lifetime to discover ourselves and to understand our purpose in the world, while in the meantime we do have to help and play a role. So I guess these are all questions to navigate through and find our own path among them, so that we do not neglect any aspect that is important to us…


Well one of these nights ‘bout 12 o'clock
this old world is gonna rock
Pharaoh's army got drownded
O Mary don't you weep

I can’t say that I have discovered everything I needed to, along this journey so far – on the contrary: when you start such a journey you realize sooner or later that things are more complex than you had imagined. The mere fact that you are able to see that complexity and work with it is some sign of improvement, I guess… because if you do not see the complexity it does not mean it isn’t there…
What is so wonderful about exploring yourself and the miracle of life as a whole is that, once you’ve started it, you can’t go back! This kind of journey needs to move forward and not backward, so maybe even without knowing it, you will take yourself further along the road. This does not mean it is going to be easy or that you don’t need to put effort in it, but it is definitely important. I think, if we look at our collective struggle for meaning and clarity of purpose in the world, it makes such a difference to find that there is a number of people who are actually walking the same path. Nobody is alone, in fact. We are all on that path, in one way or another, even though sometimes unconsciously. But we do have our individual selves to look after and work with, and that we must often do on our own.


Well Moses stood on the Red Sea shore
And smote the water with a two by four
Pharaoh's army got drownded
O Mary don't you weep

Well, old Mr. Satan he got mad
Missed that soul that he thought he had
Pharaoh's army get drownded
O Mary, don't you weep

How to keep going? How to keep yourself consciously on the path? How to keep connected to all the other co-walkers? It is hard, at times, because you go through all that chaos quite often and you are alone many times and you may lose touch, you may lose courage, you may get tired or feel insecure. People nowadays are so much looking for security – this word, in all its meanings, seems to be such a paradox of the 21st century and maybe beyond. Our world is now such a fluctuating world, it changes at such a high pace that nothing seems to stay the same from one day to another even. I mean EVERYTHING, from weather or laws to human feelings. Is there anything, then, that can actually provide stability, the mere stability that we need so as to feel secure? Or, if not, how can we actually start living with all this instability and still feel secure? What made it possible for the people of Israel to cross the river when Moses smote the water, even though they knew it was a rationally unreal or impossible thing to happen? What held the waters apart for enough time to allow safe passage? What is the difference between safety itself and the feeling of safety that the Israelites had? Is safety real or is it just a feeling? Do we find it in the world outside or within our soul?


Brothers and sisters don't you cry
they'll be good times by and by

God gave Noah the rainbow sign
Said, "No more water, but fire next time"

Last week I took part in the CDRA Biennial Conference, a quite recently born event that brings together development practitioners from around the world to share from their practice. The Conference itself was an extraordinary space and, due to its nature, it enabled many breakthroughs, I think. But that is another subject and I will need another space and time to write about it, just as about other “events” that occurred during my journey.
However, on our way back from the conference venue, we were passing through Du Toit’s Kloof area and the weather was stormy, with clouds and bursts of strong rain coming and going. Just as we were approaching the pass, this double rainbow appeared in the sky. It was a whole rainbow – I mean you could see all of it rising up amazingly in the middle of the field. I think it was the first time ever that I could see very clearly the start and the end of a rainbow. It appears to start from nothing and it ends into nothing, for there is no physical place for its beginning or end. It was amazing to see that! I could never have seen it before, as I’ve never seen it in such an open space. It was as if someone had placed an arch in the middle of the field. Talking about rainbow, that was to me one of the special experiences on this journey: seeing something as beautiful as a rainbow being created out of the interaction of air and water and light, all invisible and giving birth to something visible.

I have three more weeks in South Africa and when I look at my luggage, it is almost the same as it was when I came here. Myself too, I am apparently the Same, for I look the same. But There is so much of That invisible field that I take with me! Somehow, this Whole trip cam and it ends out of nothing into nothing, I mean literally see nothing That You Can, But Something There definitely is - a creative force, invisible year interaction of elements. Difficult to GRASP or name, But very real and, I hope, beautiful. Pretty amazing!

(The Seeger Sessions Lyrics from by Bruce Springsteen)

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Romania stakekeepers 360 degrees



We used to hear the harsh words against the country in which we live. Long time since I heard something good. Olympic Medals, Romanian athletes of international successes make us vibrate. I would venture to say that there are times when you feel proud and not ashamed to say out loud that you are Romanian, and anthem gives you goosebumps. In moments of glory, the shame disappears.

concept "Romania 360 degrees" is a beginning to start to rediscover the beauty of the country where we were born. Because it takes to do this and I firmly believe that we would make us feel better ... but especially for a country that the image is created by people who compose it, identifying with her. Everyone can contribute, with images captured in the most beautiful places in Romania. Because I think there is someone who has at least one pleasant memory of a place that has remained impregnated retina. And for that, seeing the beautiful places that bind us, we mark the desire to keep those places and our children will grow.
I invite you to see a full Rumania, Rumania 360 degrees, a Romania that, I put it somewhere in the back, among the junk. Here it is!
http://ro360.wordpress.com

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going deeper / Going Deeper

After two weeks, I went deeper into the local language universe (dominated by English, because I do not speak any other of the 11 official languages \u200b\u200bof Africa deSud), but also in the spirit of the city of Cape of Good Hope. We found I think some lyrics that express very well the idea of \u200b\u200bAfrica (my translation):

Africa, you're not a country
a concept outlined in

each of our minds To hide us, each, fears,
To Us Visa, separate dreams.

(Abioseh Nicol, "The significance of Africa")

In recent days I managed to visit some places in Cape Town - otherwise a huge city (2455 km2), which occupies a good part of the peninsula, all suburbs, creating an area metropolitan.
I went by train to the last station on the Indian Ocean coast to Simon's Town, to visit the Pebbles Beach (Boulders Beach) - a place famous for its African penguins who gather here and also a protected area. I went to do some volunteering at CDRA, or Community Development Resource Association (www.cdra.org.za), which is headquartered in Woodstock neighborhood, a multiracial areas of Cape Town's (even during the apartheid ). From there I went to the Observatory (and I can not help but think of Cluj ...), which is a very crowded area and about international students because there are many different non-African countries. Also, I am very lucky with my hosts, which I always invite them in various "movements" that we do around here. Thus, an accompanying Sue walks almost every day on the mountain and we were one of them Muizenberg most beautiful beaches - a place famous for the large number of surfers who come here (and I took a bath in the Indian Ocean, which he is quite cold!)

am still shocked by how strong he feels, here, colonialism and all its manifestations - visible or not. Many cities in the Indian Ocean coast talking about the white settlers (mostly Dutch and British) who have tried to re-create his own universe in a very different place, physically and spiritually to Europe! I think almost continuously the attitude to be that these people had a new face to the world that have found it and they have destroyed a large extent on how devastated inside them must have been for as initiators so many acts of cruelty. No I never felt in my life, so that the guilty are white as I feel now. Moreover, I never questioned my skin color until I came here. Although they say about Cape Town and Western Cape province of those places that are less African in South Africa, I happen to go by train or on the street and I feel out of place due to the fact that there are "white." It is also an unpleasant and strange feeling, because it's as if I re-live the whole bloody history of oppression of blacks by local populations contain my white Europeans ... Of course similar things have happened in many other places in the world, throughout history (including my own country), but this seems I feel it much more acute than anywhere else I've been (except, perhaps, Auschwitz).

For a white person is not too pleasant thing to walk the streets of Cape Town areas, if you're sensitive to all the above, or if they touch you as little, deep down. Many parts of town are considered unsafe or unaffordable for whites - and you immediately realize it, how to get there. Blacks living in these areas are generally rather poor ordinary workers, who either left their villages and traditional way of life that to look for work "in the big city (where they have sufficient income to maintain and living in very precarious conditions) or were brought to work in various factories. In some cases may even be far descendants of various indigenous populations that were colonized blacks here. By default, there is immense frustration about white people who introduced and maintains a broad and deep social injustice in a place where the nature of things, had no right to do so. Is it "jungle law" applicable and people, but how far we can push the feelings of superiority?
I feel that this city is a place for anyone, "used" in a very interesting (but not necessarily equal) of whites and blacks alike. Preserves the atmosphere today, somehow, the sense of apartheid (which perhaps we do not we can actually understand, because I have not lived) quickly detect it, smell it easily, although you were never not known officially, those days ended in 1994.
For more information (summary) about apartheid can enter http://www.unmultimedia.org/photo/subjects/apartheid.html

Yes, says South Africa is a beautiful country and is in Cape Town truly a wonderful tourist destination, but it seems to me that if you come here with the simple intention to see the major tourist attractions, wildlife or enjoy the beach and sun, you do not really understand the spirit of these places - beautiful, but so disturbed in their history. And the deal is, I think, less comfortable, so Maybe more visitors to these places do not want it to have.

I added pictures to the photo gallery on Picasa. You will not find anything in Woodstock, because I declined to take with me valuable things there. I hope you enjoy and come back, because ... to come! **


tissue lines come to me so much more in English now, for I have Been "Exposed" to the English environment of Cape Town and it is so Powerful. I have found a set of Verses that I believe is very expressive about the idea of \u200b\u200bAfrica:

You are not a country, Africa
You are a concept in our minds
Fashioned, Each to each, To hide our separate
Fears ,
To dream our separate dreams.

(Abioseh Nicol, “The Meaning of Africa”)

I have only been visiting a few places in Cape Town over the past few days. I have taken the public train to Simon’s Town, the last station along the coast of the Indian Ocean, in order to visit Boulders Beach – a gathering place for penguins and of course, a nature reserve. I went to Woodstock, one of the few multiracial areas of Cape Town (even during Apartheid), where the Community Development Resource Association is located (www.cdra.org.za) and then I also took a short walk through Observatory, a rather busy area with an international flavour, because of the many non-African students who come here for internships or such. I am very lucky to have wonderful hosts who include me in their different movements around the area – so I join Sue on most of her morning hikes on the mountains that stretch along the Cape Peninsula and I have also been with them to one of the nice beaches in Muizenberg – an area particularly attractive to surfers.

It is surprising how impregnated this place is with colonialism and all of its manifestations – physical as well as spiritual. Many small towns along the coast of the Indian Ocean speak about the white settlers (mostly Dutch and British), who came ashore bringing along a whole other universe and initiating some sort of a strange cultural and geographic patchwork. I can’t stop wondering what was the attitude that these people came here with and that allowed for so much destruction and devastation. How devastated could they have been inside that they effected such cruel behaviours upon the new world they found? I’ve never felt so guilty about being a white person as I do now. I have never even questioned the colour of my skin before coming to Africa. They say that Cape Town and the Western Cape are the least African places in South Africa. Still, I walk in the street or take the train and find myself somewhat displaced – or in the wrong place – because of the colour of my skin. It is a terrible feeling, as if I were re-living the entire history of the white oppression of the black peoples here. Of course similar things have happened in so many other places in the world – including my own country – but the spirit of the places here withholds that in a much stronger way than in any other place I have been to (except, probably, Auschwitz).

For a white person, walking alone in the streets of Cape Town is not such a pleasant thing to do, if you are sensitive to all of the above or have the lightest touch of them in your heart. There are many areas of Cape Town that are considered unsafe or even non-walkable for the white and you immediately understand why. The black people living in those areas are mostly low-class workers, poor people who have left their villages and traditional lifestyles to follow the mirage of endless employment in Cape Town, or were brought here to work in various factories or maybe they are even followers of some black African populations that were colonized here. There is consequently a lot of frustration and negativity about the whites. I feel that Cape Town is a place that does not belong to anyone and is “shared” by the black and the white. The current-day atmosphere still keeps the feeling of Apartheid very much alive, even though it officially ended in 1994. There is some succinct information on Apartheid in South Africa on http://www.unmultimedia.org/photo/subjects/apartheid.html

Yes, South Africa is a beautiful country and Cape Town is a wonderful tourist destination, but I guess that coming here with the mere intention to visit a series of tourist attractions or enjoy the sun, the beach or the wildlife does not really allow for a real understanding of this wonderful but troubled place. However, I tend to feel Understanding That this is rather uncomfortable, so most of the visitors of Cape Town probably do want to reach it note. There is Some

That I have uploaded more photos on my Picasa gallery - however, none from Woodstock, Taking Because I avoided my room with me. Hope you'll enjoy - and There's more to come!

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generosity in our hearts start


Generosity. Resume in their hands a book that, for the first time I read it, treat such an idea: "Capitalism generous." It happened about eight years ago when, for the first time you browse a book by Richard DeVos, who was familiar to me in other ways, as a co-founder of a giant company that bore his imprint principles. A book written copasiune with weight. I was impressed. Which is why I return to it as a place dear to me and that invigorates me. Although published in 1993 in California, the book seems to me a striking actuality ...
Returning to the idea of \u200b\u200bgenerosity. If we try to do "what is good" without this commitment to start from the inside, going to work. There will be generous. Will be consumed in less than a week, or we'll come to hate themselves. First start work from the inside. Take a day off from work. Walk the streets where you live. Look deep into the pain and suffering of your children and children of the world. Let the pain you grow in their passion until he starts to grow with it. You sad. Flared up. Run-up. Only when you get to love what you do. Your heart will be there and whether they succeed or not, your conscience will be clear.

emotions of melodrama is not generosity. Neil Kinnock, British Labour Party leader, once said: "Generosity is not sweet and syrupy sentiment towards the disadvantaged and sick ... but is an absolutely practical belief." Generous people are passionate, they have before eyes a living world, a world to which they are strong feelings.
They stem from a mature and informed conscience who knows that a lack of compassion lead to serious consequences in the real world. Generosity is smart. But however involve emotions. You can be generous if you do not feel anything in your soul.